Dear You,
I’ve been pretty quiet my whole life, but I don’t have any secrets. I am an open book if you ask me, but I don’t volunteer information on my own. Doing so would mean letting my guard down and that has always been some thing that I’m not very good at. I’ve protected my heart by putting up walls. I don’t want to have any more walls. So here I am. This is me.
I don’t believe in having regrets in my life. While watching a show, last year, one of the characters said something that resonated with me, “I make decisions and I live with the consequences.” Last night I did something that normally I would tell a friend to not do, because what’s the point? I went back and started looking at old memories and wondering, if I had just made another choice at that time, would my life be different right now? If I had listened to my heart and not my head would I be sitting some where else right now? It was like self diagnosing on the internet, it gets your mind spinning with all sorts of thoughts and usually ends in some sort of doomsday. My emotions lead me every day, except that day. I am a hopeless romantic and believe in the happy fairy tale endings. Why did I stand in my own way? What was I so afraid of? I let those wall stop me.
My whole adult life I’ve been looking for someone to break through and fight for me. But that ends. I am going to be that person, I’m bringing them down, and I’m fighting for me. I’m 38 and it’s been too long since I’ve really lived. Maybe my self diagnosis wasn’t all that terrible, I was able to find some thing that needed healing.
Opening up, especially somewhere public, means inviting the judgement, criticism, heartache, and pain, but it also allows in joy, love, and happiness. I’m ready to be vulnerable. I’d rather feel all of these emotions than feel nothing. I’m ready to share my story. #imaybendbutiwillnotbreak
xoxo
Letters to You 