Happy Valentine’s Day You,
I hope you are spending it with your Valentine. Someone that turns your gray sky blue.
Are you in love? That kind of love that is so strong it actually hurts. Have you ever felt that? I am grateful that my heart has felt this twice. Two very different experiences, both worth every moment, and both will stay with me forever. People have said to me over the years, “why don’t you put yourself out there more?” “You should sign up for one of those apps, meet people.” The truth is, I have, I don’t speak of it much, but I have. I have dated a bit, but when you know what it feels like to be completely consumed by someone, to have your hearts connect, everything else feels empty. My mom has even said, “well, you should go out with him again, one date isn’t enough.” But it is mom. The first time I met my ex-husband I knew there was something that drew me to him. Maybe it was the sassy banter back and forth or maybe it was that we both sang “Faith” by Limp Bizkit at the top of our lungs together, but there was an instant connection, a chemistry that you cannot ignore. Though our relationship ended, I treasure every moment of it, the good and bad. It was the perfect first love. It was magical. We had the kind of love that you see in the movies, where you think, yea ok that isn’t real. But it was, it was very real. My heart felt his in a way I never knew could exist. No matter how far apart we were, how long it had been since we’d talked, I knew inside when I was going to hear his voice. My body reacted. I would be emotional all day, no reason at all, except that in a matter of hours he would call. There was an energy that I still cannot explain. If you have felt this, then you know what I’m talking about. You may be thinking, what happened? Why didn’t it last? It is still there, it will always be in my heart, it is a different kind of love now. As for what happened? Well, I’ll save that for another letter.
The second person, he captured my heart when I thought it wasn’t possible. After my ex-husband, I was in pieces, I didn’t know if I would be capable of opening back up again. But when I met him, there was a flutter inside. A feeling I hadn’t felt in years. The pieces were coming back together again. My heart was not in pain anymore, when it saw his. We went on a few dates and I was smitten, smiling inside and out. His kisses, those hugs, I’ll never forget them. In his arms is where I felt safe. The difference this time was that his beautiful heart didn’t see mine. We became friends, and still are. Even though his heart doesn’t see mine the same way, mine would feel empty with out his.
Will my heart feel this way again? I don’t know. I hope so.
xoxo
Letters to You 