Hi You,
This morning I had my umpteenth doctors appointment. Since I’ve moved been back here, things with my body have just been off. I’ve been poked and prodded, tested and tested more for all things under the sun, from anemia to infectious diseases. I have almost every kind of doctor, a Hematologist/Oncologist, Cardiologist, Chiropractor, Therapist (which I totally think everyone should have), and now an Endocrinologist. No one can tell me what’s wrong, they all know something isn’t right but all my tests come back “normal” or “unremarkable”. My results are in range, granted typically the lower side of the range but everything checks out. How is that possible? How is that possible that everything is “fine” but I wake up every day and I don’t feel like myself, I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize myself. The person looking back at me is not me. I am trying not to cry and to smile through it, but its hard when you know something isn’t right and there are no answers. You want someone to “fix” you. You want someone to find an explanation. You want someone to listen, someone that doesn’t just say; “are you sure you’re not just stressed or anxious?” I mean, who the heck doesn’t have those feelings some days but NO!!! Its more than that.
Last week I went back to my Hematologist after my results came in and showed low ferratin levels. My GP, Dr. D, wanted me put on iron again. It had been about 5 years since I’d been on iron and been to the hematologist, but sure we’ll try again. When I arrived to the appointment, they drew more blood, and then the doctor came in. He said, “Hi, I’m Dr. B, it’s nice to meet you.” Being a little sassy that morning, it was early and I didn’t sleep well, I responded, “we’ve met before. It’s been a while, but I’ve seen you before.” He stopped, tilted his head and said, “wait, take your mask off for a second.” The surprised look on his face when he recognized me was very sweet. He immediately sat down near me and asked me what was going on. I think he picked up on my mood, my exhaustion, my frustration that I was back again, and nothing was better. He asked me why I was there. I shrugged my shoulders and said, Dr. D says I’m low on iron. He looked at my charts and said, everything looked wonderful. My results looked great. Cholesterol was perfect, sugar levels were great, red and white blood cells looked good, etc. With a very confused look, I asked him, “So why am I here?” He said, “well your ferratin is low but that isn’t concerning me.” He proceeded to review my old charts and ask me other questions about my symptoms. This was above and beyond, because now he is working outside of his realm. I melted, he didn’t walk away from me. He continued to try to help. Based on other symptoms, and my previous charts, he asked if I saw the Endocrinologist that he recommended to me previously. I sternly said, “Yes and he was terrible. He walked in, without talking to me or running any tests said, you’re going through menopause. I said you don’t know me, you haven’t even talked to me or taken any tests, and I’m 34! I walked out of the appointment.” My doctor said, “ok, we are going to find you someone else right now.” He immediately called one of his doctor friends, an Endocrinologist, while I was sitting right there and they started discussing what was going on. He said to him, “I want you to see her, not your nurse, not a tech, but you.” I melted again. Wow! They sent over the referral and within a day I had an appointment with this other doctor the following week (today). Not only did he continue to help when he didn’t have to but he scheduled a follow up appointment. I go back in a month. Fingers crossed that I have some good news to share.
Today was my Endocrinologist appointment. I like to do my research, prior to visits, job interviews, etc. I want to see what I’m getting myself into. Honestly his ratings were hit or miss, everyone stated he was great but some expressed concern about his bedside manner. When I saw he was from New Jersey originally, it made a little more sense. This was virtual visit, via FaceTime. Have you done one of those before? The first one I’ve done and trying to navigate that was fun. Within the first 3 minutes my phone shut off. Ha! What do you do, do you call back? Do they call you back? I hoped that he didn’t think I “walked out”. Frantically I turned my phone back on and called the office, but no one picked up, but few moments later he called me again. Phew. Weird. He mentioned that Dr. B and he had been talking about me this week (great! I’m that person now). He was very kind and spent time a good amount of time with me, talking with me about my symptoms and what’s been going on for the past several years. He noticed that I had been referred to another Endocrinologist in the past but not had a workup done. I told him about that experience and that I walked out of the appointment. He chuckled and said, “thank you for telling me that.” There is more blood work to be done and he isn’t quite sure what’s going on yet but I feel like we are on the right track. FINALLY!
Oh and by the way, I think after my appointment with my hematologist, I have a slight case of reverse Nightingale Syndrome.
xoxo
Letters to You 