Hi You,
There is so much on my mind, so much I want to share with you. It’s that same feeling you get when you set off to clean a room, but you don’t know where to begin. I started to jot down different things that I want to write to you about and then how many letters I should write every week, but then this sense of pressure came over me and that is the opposite of what I want to feel when I write to you. I want my letters to be from my heart, not rehearsed, not planned, to be in the moment. So, here is my heart story today.
We’ve had a lot of rain here lately, but I think we are beginning to dry out, today was gorgeous. After my normal “first day off” routine, work out, vacuum, start the laundry, check my email, write and send out the schedule for the next week, and then my weekly run to Whole Foods for some groceries, I went for a walk on the beach. I drove out to Kiawah, walked down my boardwalk, kicked off my flipflops and felt the sand in between my toes. Being at the beach, always brings out my inner child, as I was walking, I started to slide my feet through the sand. I love that sound it makes. You know that sound? It’s squeaky but not an annoying squeak.
I was almost back when I saw the most beautiful German Shepherd (well, second most beautiful as Heidi was the most beautiful) walking toward the water, like it had never seen the ocean before. It was a little timid, and stepped cautiously, but German Shepherds are not known to be water dogs. The owner was close by doing some stretches as if he was about to start a run. After a quick peek at the water the dog turned around and went back to be at his owner’s side. Watching them interact and seeing the loyalty and love between them brought back so many wonderful memories of my baby.
When I was a child I was terrified of dogs, except my Grampa’s Shepherds, and there is a picture to prove it. One Summer at my dad’s house in Ohio, we were playing catch in the backyard and the ball went behind the bushes near the fence. I was the closest and was asked to go get the ball, but I knew those neighbors had two very big dogs. I just stood there. I wouldn’t budge. There was no way I was going anywhere near that fence. Eventually my dad became frustrated and made me go get the ball, the tears started flowing, so naturally my stepmom ran for the camera. She always like to capture a good “moper”.
When S and I started to talk about getting a dog, we did our research on different breeds, we were looking for a good family dog and a protector. But because of my love for my Grampa’s dogs, I knew the only one I wanted was a Shepherd. I had three years with my girl before I had to leave her. She was sick when I left NM, and I wasn’t in a place financially care for her, so S kept her. Heidi lived for another year before her body shut down from kidney disease. I remember that phone call from S like it was yesterday. It was the last time we spoke. It broke my heart that I wasn’t there to say bye to her, to give her one last hug, to tell her I love her, and that she was going to be ok and she’d feel better soon. I miss her sweet face every day. I wish I could have taken her to see the ocean.
One day I’d like to have another dog. Will it be another German Shepherd? I don’t know. I thought it’d be fun to have a Shepherd and Dalmatian, a Police dog and Fire dog. But I think I’ll start with one and see how it goes.
xoxo
Letters to You 