Hello You,
I’m procrastinating writing my letter this week. What am I going to say? How am I going to start? Will I find the right words? When I put their name on the list, I was secretly waiting for it to be drawn. I was excited. However, now that it’s their turn, I’m not ashamed to admit, I thought about asking Siri to pick another number.
Do you believe that the universe tells you things? That is, if you are open to seeing its “signs”. Why do you see some and not others? The first time I went to try on wedding dresses, like most women, I thought I knew what I was looking for. I had done my research on different styles, designers, what was trending, what would remain classic, etc. When I was younger, I wanted that big poufy princess dress from Cinderella. As I grew up, so did my dream. I was so excited to find my dress. I had heard from so many, that when you put it on, you’ll know it is the one. I also think that holds true if it’s not the one. One afternoon, when S and I were out running errands, we stumbled upon this little wedding dress shop. I thought, I’ll just pop in and see what they have. There were so many, but my eyes fixated on this beautiful white gown. As I walked toward it, I thought, “could it really have been this easy?”
“May I try this on?” I asked the lady behind the counter. It was even by one of the designers I had seen and liked!
She showed me to the dressing room, and said, “I’ll be just outside to help tie up the back when you’re ready.” The dress was perfect. It was strapless, white, sleek, and with a hint of pouf.
“Ok, I’m ready.” I said. It was a corset back and needed to be tightened for the full effect. I opened the curtain, and the lady was there to adjust the ties. Now, I was ready to see it. As I stepped on to the platform where all the mirrors were, she asked, “are you going to wear a vail?”
“I’m not sure,” I replied, “We were thinking about wearing the traditional haku leis.”
“Well, let me grab the vail, and you can try it with the dress just in case.” As I’m standing there looking at myself in the mirrors, I somehow lost my smile. The lady put the vail on my head and took a step back. All I could see was me, just standing there, in this stark white dress. The same dress that just a moment ago was perfect, suddenly felt very tight and uncomfortable. I knew I had to get out of it. I turned around and said to the lady, “I don’t feel well.”
“Are you ok?” She asked.
“Excuse me?” I could barely hear her, I started sweating and feeling very weak. “I have to sit down.” She led me back to the dressing room, sat me down and ran to get me some water. When she returned with the water, she had also brought me a bag of mini chocolate chip cookies. I had called S and told him what had just happened, and he said he was on his way. When he arrived, she brought him back to me. I was sitting in the corner of the little dressing room with the gown still on, stuffing my face with cookies and water. I looked at him and said, “this is not the dress.”
Was it not the dress? Or was the universe telling me something else, something deeper? Something that I was not ready to see yet?
This week, everywhere I turned, something reminded me of my Thankful Thursday person. Their presence was unavoidable. I might not have recognized some “signs” in the past, but my eyes are open now, I’m paying attention. I’m listening. It’s time to stop overthinking, let the words flow from my heart, and start writing.
But first, I need to check on the sweet potatoes in the oven.
xoxo
Letters to You 