Hello You,
I read something yesterday morning before going to work; I thought, “awe, exactly!” It’s not about how much, it’s about what’s behind what we give. Love.
Well, this message hit me square in the face. At work, I talk to people all day, every day. Some conversations are quick, easy, some challenging, others are funny, complicated, and everything in between. But I love it. It’s my favorite part of what I do. Getting to know the people we are there for. Some even just call us, with no real “work” related questions, but more to vent or share about their lives.
In the afternoon I got this call, I’ve talked with this woman before, a few times. She couldn’t figure out why they weren’t able to accomplish what they wanted. I explained it to her, for 20 minutes. Trying to tell her, and getting admittedly frustrated because she wasn’t understanding, what had happened and why. It was exhausting! In that conversation she had mentioned she was going through health related issues that effected her memory and understanding. So I tried a different approach. But still nothing.
After a closer look at her account history I noticed something that might help put the picture together, but I had to call a colleague first to make sure what I saw was what actually happened. It was. So I called the woman back.
With her husband traveling and not able to assist in the conversation, other than via texting her, I tried again to relay why she couldn’t do what they had been trying to do. She said a few times, “ok, I think I understand.” And would repeat what I said but then ask me a question that made it very clear, that wasn’t the case. Again, I found myself getting frustrated. I had tried to explain it, slowly, and even gave examples that might help. The time kept ticking away, 15 minutes, 20 minutes, 25 minutes…emails were backing up, new voicemails were being left, and I wasn’t making any progress. I finally said, “nothing with this is pressing, or should be stressed about. We will always work with you and figure it out. When your husband is back, have him call me.”
Meanwhile he was texting her and she was relaying information from our conversation of what she “understood” and I think he was getting more confused. So I told her, “here, send him this.” And I texted her what to forward to him, even wrote it as if she had written it. You could hear in her voice she was smiling, and said, “you’re like my daughter, trying to help me out. Thank you.”
It was in that moment, my heart broke. How could I be getting so frustrated with her for not understanding or remembering, when it is out of her control? Why was I getting impatient with how much time I was spending on the phone with her? “No, Cat. This is not you!” And I remembered that little passage I read that morning, “it’s not about how much you give, but what is behind it.” This woman needed my time, and I was giving it to her but not with my whole heart. That changed; in that very instant. I didn’t care how much longer the call was or how much piled up while we were on the phone. She had my undivided attention.
After we hung up, I started to cry. Overwhelmed with emotions. Mainly of being the biggest jerk in the world. Why didn’t I have this mindset from the very second I knew what she was going through? Time is one of the greatest gifts you can give someone, it’s valuable. It’s irreplaceable. It makes a difference. I am not too busy to give someone my time, time to make them feel heard, loved, understood. Time to help. Give. And the little reminder of this yesterday, was exactly what I needed.
xoxo
Letters to You 