February 20, 2021

Hi You,

Have you ever had one of those days where all you want and need in life is a hug? The type of day that when you come home, you just want to be engulfed in someone’s arms. Yesterday was one of those days. The past six years has felt like one of those days! What I would give for a hug, the kind where it’s as if the world around you doesn’t exist, that you’re safe, and nothing can touch you. Those are the ones that touch your heart, that stay with you always. Do your hugs leave an impression?

A few years ago, a friend of mine gave me a hug as he was leaving my house and afterwards said, “you hug like an emotionally neglected child.” I can’t really describe the look that came across my face at that moment, I just stared at him as he walked away. Utterly speechless, I convinced myself that it was a compliment. Growing up at moms, there may not have been an abundance of hugs, but it wasn’t the way she expressed her emotions. We also rarely had sides with dinner. When mom cooked it was usually a one dish meal, like stir fry or angel hair pasta with sauce. I don’t know, this might explain why as adults my brother and I are huggers and why we like a lot of sides with our meals. At dads, it was a bit different, my stepmom called us little tree monkeys. Every night during bedtime I would play this game with them, when they gave me a hug good night, I would squeeze them so hard and say, “you’re not going anywhere.”

I crave hugs. It’s been far too long since I’ve had a good one. Sometimes, when I’m out and about running errands, I’ll see somebody in a store and think, “he looks like a good hugger. What would he do if I went up and hugged him, didn’t say anything, then just walked away? Would he hug me back? Would he just stand there?” Don’t worry, I haven’t done this, yet.

I am actually a little scared for the next person that truly hugs me, I might not let go.

xoxo