February 28, 2021

Hi there You,

A couple night ago I had this hauntingly good dream. Not that type of dream. It was much better. When my alarm went off, I wasn’t ready to be done with it. I looked at the time and thought I have a few more minutes to snooze, so I shut my eyes and tried to force myself back into it.

I’ve always been a dreamer, from a little girl. Every night it’s like my own choose your own adventure book. Did you ever read those? I remember my dreams too, not just fleetingly but they stay with me. The good ones, the funny ones, the not-so-great ones, and the scary ones. It’s wild what your subconscious conjures up! The first dream I remember was when I was really young, it was a reoccurring nightmare actually. My mom, brother, and I had just arrived home and were standing outside on our steps. It was nighttime and the front door was ajar. My mother turned to us and said, stay here I’m going to go in and see if everything is ok. I remember saying to her as she walked in, “no mommy, don’t go in there, he’s inside. There is someone inside.” My mom looked at me and said, “it’s ok, I’ll be right back.” As my mom walked up the stairs toward our bedrooms, I began shaking because I knew, she wasn’t coming back. There was someone inside our house, he was hiding in my moms closet in a box, waiting for us to come home. As soon as she got up the stairs and out of view, I would wake up. I’m sure some therapist would love to analyze that one. I do believe there is meaning behind our dreams, that they are telling us something, and I listen to mine. I didn’t always but I do now. Especially when I comes to how people appear in my dreams. Most of the time when I dream about a person, they are faceless, usually posing as someone I “know”, but it’s not really them. When they are actually who they are, I feel like I see them clearer, as if my blinders have been taken off.

S, was never fully present in my dreams, he was either walking away from me, or just out of reach. I remember one dream, I was calling for him to help me, I could see him in the distance, but he just looked at me and said, “I can’t” and walked away. Maybe this was my subconscious telling me that something was in the way, and he wasn’t fully present. Would things have ended differently if I had listened to my dreams then? Probably not, but maybe I would have trusted my gut more a little further into our story. Then, there are some people that have always been heroes. And that brings me back to my dream a couple of nights ago. It was sweet, I got to see someone’s face I haven’t seen in years, I got to hold his hand. I’m not sure I’ve ever held his hand before, but I imagine that is exactly what it would have felt like. At the end of the dream, he left me. But before he did, he turned to me and said, “there is something I have to go do, but when it’s over, I want to see you again.” Then he gave me a letter and walked away. Just as I started to read the letter, I woke up. A premonition? Secretly a part of me hopes so. What does it actually mean? I don’t know. I suppose we will see.

xoxo