March 26, 2021

Hi You,

I’ll get back to my previous story in shortly, but I want to tell you about my “Monday.” I love Mondays actually, they’re my favorite day of the week. Right now mine usually fall on everyone else’s Friday, but the feeling is still the same. It is a fresh start. A new beginning. A clean slate to do it all again. The past two days were perfect. I signed a lease to my new place, I spent some time on my beach, I just felt good. This morning I woke up, I was feeling refreshed and ready to start my week. But, somewhere along the way, that changed. By the end of the day, I was sitting there in my boss’s office wondering if I was having an anxiety attack or was there literally something going on with my heart. There was a tightness in my chest, my stomach was one big cramp, I was short of breath, and there was this strange pain in the left side of my neck. Trying not to worry and add any more stress, I brought the focus to my breath and tried calm my body. In that moment, I couldn’t have been more grateful for my very basic yoga background.

My body was screaming at me, it was throwing out all of the red flags. “Listen to me!” “Hey, you, pay me some attention, right now!” Along with listening to my heart, I pay attention to my body. Over the years, I have put it through a lot, I haven’t always been the greatest to it. So, when it starts to yell, I’m listening. Growing up, my stepmom always tried to instill in us, that we needed to treat it right, we needed to fuel it with good and healthy food, and everything in moderation. We needed to take care of it because we only get one.

Today I fought for it. Today it gave me no choice but to be vulnerable and to ask for something it needed; I needed. Help. Have you ever asked for help? Like when you really needed it? It’s hard to admit that you “can’t do it all” when you want to. There is a strange sense of defeat, even though you know that no one really can do it all and shouldn’t.

Afterwards, I got in the car and was headed home, there was this euphoric feeling inside, this overwhelming calmness. Was this normal or was this the calm before the storm so to speak? Here’s where it got a little weirder, ha. Somehow, I ended up at the grocery store. I mean I knew I liked grocery shopping, and probably more than the majority, but really? I didn’t even need anything but for some reason this is where I drove. Not the beach, not to some beautiful park to sit and think, but to Earth Fare. I was browsing the aisles, when one of the attendants turned around and said, “are you finding everything ok?”

What I really wanted to say was, “Honestly, no. But I don’t really need anything, I just drove here because wandering aimlessly through the grocery store apparently destresses me. Don’t judge!” I could only imagine the look on his face, if I had, he didn’t ask for all of that. So instead, I simply nodded my head and murmured, “yes.” I picked up a few items, got back in my car and drove home. Some people buy themselves shoes or clothes when they have a bad day, I buy frozen broccoli.

xoxo